I am late entering the conversation around the Lisa Ling, Our America program entitled, “Pray Away the Gay?” If you haven't had the opportunity to view the program, you can view it here. The program created a buzz with a fair bit of controversy and criticism. At the risk that my weighing in is "old news", I have a few good reasons for my late entrance.
The program didn’t air in Canada so I had to wait for the online version. And unlike some folks who jumped the gun based solely on preview clips, I wanted to see the whole thing before articulating my reflections. Then when I did get the link I was on vacation – and my family rightly claimed my time and attention. But finally, I don’t tend to be a quick commenter. I like to allow things to ruminate for a while. I try to pull back to see some of the bigger picture and vicarious threads that become interwoven in the conversation that such a program is simply a catalyst for. In my experience, quick reactions just don’t make for good bridge-building as they inevitably carry more opinion than reflection. And bridging requires some quiet, prayerful reflection. Bridging invites one to quiet the din in one’s own mind and heart and strain to hear the still, small voice of the Spirit who is a trustworthy guide to extending humble respect and dignity across diversity. It takes some quietness and stillness because these conversations at the intersection of faith and sexuality are so complex. Our language needs to be both precise and poetic. What I mean by that is the necessity to ensure that parties across the conversation understand terms in a similar manner – that they aren’t talking apples and oranges inadvertently with one another – but that their conversation together is not so scientifically forensic that it lacks imagination and generosity. That’s where the poetry comes in. Conversation isn’t research (at least not first and foremost). Conversation is about relating, it is about seeing one another’s humanity, listening with a commitment to be fully present. It is connecting to our creativity in opening our minds (where we exercise our intellectual capacity), our souls (the seat of our emotions) and our spirit (where we hear the voice of God).
One of my primary observations is that anytime you tackle this complex of a topic in a one hour documentary (which is really only 42 minutes once you subtract the commercials – which my online version mercifully did), you can take one of two paths. The first path seeks to take a more general approach that introduces the topic to a broad audience. The second chooses one specific question and fleshes that out with the risk of losing some of the audience who lack the basic overview of the subject. Lisa Ling, understandably, attempted the former. The challenge is not having the time and space to ensure clarity in the tagline questions. The title of the program would suggest that Ling is wanting to discover whether or not sexual orientation can be influenced by spiritual intervention. This question is a legitimate one given the confusion of public messages from various sources. Rather than the black and white totalitarian question, “Can you pray the gay away?” exploration of the degree of influence spiritual intervention might have on sexual orientation could have been a helpful program. But, it isn’t a very marketable idea. Nuance rarely is. Rather, with the title as it was, the program invites unreflective polarity. Many will simply say, “of course not” – end of discussion. Others may feel forced to say – “yes” – even though they probably would want to offer a much more multi-faceted response than a simple closed-ended answer.
But the program also asked the question, “Can you be gay and be Christian?” At first blush, this may seem to simply be the other side of the same coin. But I would submit that these are two very different questions – and it comes down to a matter of language. I fear that without precision in our language, it will be very challenging to move forward in this conversation in a manner that embodies postures of peace-making.
I find myself increasingly agitated by the phrase, “homosexuality is a sin”. I am agitated because the concept presents itself as somehow being biblical – when it is quite frankly a projection upon the text. The bible never refers to homosexuality. Rather, it refers to behaviors. One might also argue that it addresses desires and/or temptations. I will accede to that ¬ - although I would suggest that when temptation / desires are mentioned in connection with same-sex behavior the texts are pointing to the arena of lust and not simply the presence of attraction. The bible never addresses same-sex attraction as an enduring reality and aspect of one’s sense of personhood in relation to the world of people and relationships. Likewise, the bible never addresses sexual orientation. Granted, these concepts weren’t part of the language of the day. But by the same token, one ought not to develop a position on the assumption from silence. Certainly, in the Genesis narrative, we see a picture of the first male and female. Again, however, while this describes an experience that if often viewed as normative, has been experienced by the majority, and may be described by many as God’s best, the text itself does not indicate that a variant or difference in experience ought to be viewed as inherently sinful. To assume this from the creation account again projects onto the text a prohibition that it does not specifically articulate. To imprint a sense of gender on God or to further impose an anthropomorphic image of heterosexual one flesh union on the character of God seems to me to be an additional assumption that is not clearly spelled out in the text. We, rather, need humbly confess that we lack the capacity to apprehend the fullness of who God is. We are his image bearers – not the other way around.
The other reality that must be considered is that the bible addresses sexual behavior (and it is hotly debated by scholars and laity alike just what sexual behavior is specifically identified) and lust in relation to same-sex sexuality – but it does not articulate a commentary on same sex relational love. This reinforces my contention that the bible does not address sexual orientation. Same-sex sexual orientation is not to be reduced to a set of sexual behaviors. Rather, when an individual experiences a predominant, persistent attraction to their own gender it is a multi-faceted, integrative experience in how they relate to both their own gender and the opposite gender. This is true for those who are heterosexually oriented as well. Heterosexuality is more than just sexual behavior associated with the opposite sex. So too, homosexuality is more than just sexual behavior with the same sex. Homosexuality ought not be reduced to fantasized or actual genitalized sex acts any more than heterosexuality should.
Additionally, one does need to consider what the biblical narrative actually says about same-sex intimate (non-consummated) love. I invite correction, but given my annual reading through of scripture over the last number of years, I am unaware of any negative story about same-sex relational love. What we do have are incredibly positive accounts of love between David and Jonathon and Ruth and Naomi. I don’t think one can assume consummated relationships in either account, but the reality of intimate relationship cannot be disputed. To assume that same-sex attracted people must guard themselves from experiencing intimacy in same-sex relationships (for the time being, the question of sexual behavior is set aside) as an essential aspect of the journey towards diminishing the reality of their same-sex attractions is not something prescribed in scripture – and, in my observation, not even described in scripture.
I say all of this because I think it unhelpful to get in a pissing match over whether being gay is a sin, if one understands the word gay to mean attracted/oriented to the same sex and desiring to most intimately relate to a companion of the same-sex. So when generalized statements are made like, “Can you be gay and Christian?” I want to pull my hair out. Of course you can be gay and be a Christian. The fact that our popular media is still asking this question proves the abysmal job the church has done in communicating a doctrine of justification that is truly consistent with the life, death, and resurrection of Christ and his gift of faith, mercy and grace to those who turn to him.
The significant questions – and the ones I wish Lisa Ling had attempted to tackle are these:
1. Why would someone not want to be same-sex attracted? This, then, is an open ended question that addresses intentions, motivations, attitudes, fears, acceptance, shame etc. rather than a closed ended question like “can you pray the gay away?” or “can you be gay and a Christian?”
2. Why are some Christians who experience same-sex attraction convicted that:
a. they should seek to express themselves relationally and sexually as a heterosexual despite the likely potential of lingering / residual / dominant same-sex attractions
b. or they should accept the reality of their same-sex attractions but live a life of mastery and abstention from sexual behavior
c. or they should receive and celebrate their same-sex attraction as a unique gift from God that invites them to experience intimacy and fidelity within the same godly boundaries as any other human being regardless of gender.
3. What causes such different experiences of biblical conviction? How do these convictions play out in the commitments and relationships of different individuals?
I think these questions would have had the potential to highlight the spectrum of diverse experiences of same-sex attracted Christians with the kind of objectivity that Lisa Ling seemed to be striving for.
Instead, with the snap shot of people presented in the program, viewers were at a loss to really understand the complexity and diverse experiences of authenticity of same-sex attracted Christians. Motivations could not be fully explored in the time allotment. How much did fear play a role? Shame? Where were various people at in the journey to self-acceptance? What was their view of God? How did they understand the bible? All of these things would have been helpful to explore. But ….. such things probably don’t boost television ratings, don’t create catchy tag-lines, and don’t fit in 42 minutes of costly on air time.
I know Alan and Leslie Chambers personally. I’ve seen them together and with their kids. I know they love each other and love being parents. I have zero reason to question or judge the depth of their love, their commitment to each other and their family. I know they view their life as a gift of grace – and frankly – any loving family should receive that reality as a gift of grace. Alan happens to be in the spotlight – some would call him a professional ex-gay. But I know lots of men like Alan who aren’t in the spotlight what-so-ever. They are honest with their spouses, with close friends, confidantes, accountability partners etc. They are same-sex attracted – but are deeply committed to their wives and children. They shape their lives around their commitments to God and their family. Are they living a lie – or are they living the life they want to live in a manner that is consistent with their convictions and commitments? I would suggest that for many it is the latter.
The huge challenge is that I also know many fractured families and deeply distressed individuals. In these cases, despite filial love, Christian commitment, and prayerful motivation, life in a mixed orientation marriage was not sustainable. I have heard the heart-break, the agonized wrestling, the deep grief and disappointment, the shattered dreams. And I will not sit in any judgment seat that presumes to measure whether they tried hard enough or in the right way. That is God’s privileged place and his alone.
I was concerned in listening to both Janet and Christian on the program of their desire to be married to someone of the opposite sex – in how self-centric their focus seemed to be. While Lisa Ling asked about whether they thought they could be attracted to the opposite sex – she did not ask whether they considered what a potential spouse would deserve. Christian marriage isn’t about what an individual wants – it is about what they can give. I’ve had too many straight spouses in my office weeping, feeling the emptiness of not being fully loved or desired to ever recommend mixed orientation marriage. So while I encourage the people I know who are deeply invested and making a healthy and meaningful go of marriage and family with an opposite gender spouse – it seems to me to be like playing Russian roulette with the life of another when you’re in the shoes of someone like Christian expressing that you really want that even though you’re totally into the same sex.
What the program and many of the programs featured on the program seem to fail to take into consideration is what I might describe as different homosexualities. For those who have walked away from a promiscuous or superficial experience attempting to live out their same-sex sexuality and who now find congruence in living their Christian faith in marriage to an opposite gender spouse, I gently admonish them to be careful not to project their experience on every individual. Their testimony is their testimony. No one can step inside their skin and judge the authenticity of their story. But, by the same token, they cannot crawl into anyone else’s skin and expect their journey to travel the exact same path. Those who never sought escape in sexual behavior or addiction, who took the time and space in their life to wrestle with scripture during the course of their spiritual formation, who went through the trials of self-acceptance, and believe that to live honestly and authentically as a same-sex attracted is not inconsistent with God’s call on their life, also have the gift of owning their testimony. To assume that if one is content with the reality of their same-sex attraction, recognizes it as part of their identity, then “gay comes first and takes center stage” fails to embody a posture of humble listening and honouring each unique individual. Most people I know who are comfortable identifying as gay Christians will readily attest to their faith as the primary center of their identity. Their confidence and security lies in being the Beloved of God.
The idea that identity connected with an honest and authentic acceptance of the enduring reality of same-sex attraction is less than God’s best is I believe yet another projection on the text of scripture. If an individual chooses to not include their experience of same-sex attraction (to whatever degree they experience it) as part of their self-identification, that is completely within their prerogative. However, to suggest that such honest identification is less than God’s best for every individual would seem to “tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” While scripture does articulate the gift of hope in the verse that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation, this verse ought not be exegeted to assume that means that all identities other than that of follower of Christ are obliterated. So while indeed identity matters, given that scripture does not directly address attraction or orientation, it is not clearly spelled out in scripture that one ought not to honestly live as a gay Christian.
These are some of the nuances that I would have appreciated seeing come through in Lisa Ling’s program – though I am sympathetic to the realities of television, marketing, and communicating with a diverse and generally ill-informed audience.
-WG
Monday, March 21, 2011
Finding My Poet Soul
Driving down south for spring break I wrote the following:
-WG
I saw a forest decimated
her trampled leaves were weeping.
"Apocalypse" her branches cried.
Who smugly says she deserves it?
Orange buds then red
mistake spring for fall
...... drip like blood.
tenacious, fighting, breathing, budding, living
Encased in the crypt of consumerism
defiant dancers declaring.....
the restoration of all things!
-WG
Monday, March 7, 2011
Helping Christian Schools be Hospitable Places
I recently had an article published in the Christian Educator's Journal. This is a publication that reaches over 4,000 teachers and administrators who serve primarily in Christian schools. I thought I would share the article here too:
It was a story I’d heard before, but hearing it in the Christian school I’d graduated from, brought a level of emotion that surprised even me. In ten years of engaging with those outside the heterosexual mainstream, I have sat with countless individuals who shared stories of unsafe environments within the Christian community. But hearing my colleague tell of being beaten up by a group of boys at his Christian school during our seminar for teachers was a poignant moment. We had spent all day going through questions of identity, causation, disclosure, student support and the reality of homophobic language and behaviour that continues to persist in our school environments. My colleague’s story, told from the perspective of someone who had journeyed for as long as he could remember with the reality of same-sex attraction, packed an emotional punch that no amount of theoretical diversity training could offer.
“I'm so confused right now, and could really use some help. When I was 12, I got caught messing around with a girl. I got in a lot of trouble. After that, I started watching gay porn. I've never had many guy friends, although I've wanted them. It's mostly been girls. At this point, I'm almost exclusively turned on by guys, and I'm worried if I turned myself gay somehow, by watching gay porn and not being around many guys. Deep down inside, though, I feel straight, or at least bisexual. I really like girls and want a relationship with one. What should I do?” ~ male student age 15
Questions of sexual and gender identity are a reality in our schools that can no longer be ignored. The tensions are complex and challenging. Teachers and administrators may feel the tug and pull of diverse needs and expectations. There are faith-based beliefs and values to uphold. There are parental concerns regarding what is discussed and taught on a topic like homosexuality. There are the needs of students who may be questioning, struggling, experimenting or trying to navigate their own coming out process. There are opportunities to guide students who are wrestling to know how to engage their culture, interact with gay people, and integrate their Christian faith in these areas. There are same-sex attracted educators who may carry the weight of hiding such an intrinsic part of themselves from their communities. There can be assumptions, misunderstandings, and fear. There is also the increasing reality of diversity in our school communities. Gone are the days of predicting a uniform response to sexual ethics for same-sex attracted people. Sincere people who are committed to Christ and care deeply about the formational authority of Scripture in our lives come to different conclusions about the appropriateness of covenanted same-sex partnerships for those who experience a persistent gay orientation. Such diversity can be further intensified in multicultural settings where families from different backgrounds may have radically different responses to sexual minorities.
“I started coming to terms with my sexuality around age 12 and was very "in the closet" about it. I later came out to my mom, which was a big mistake. I then confided in someone I trusted at school, and she spread it around the entire school. I was embarrassed at first, but I am comfortable with it and I feel more free now that I am out at school. However, I am not out at church. The people at church are not accepting of people being gay. They accept the people as friends, but not that part of them and they try to break that. They always claim that homosexuality is a choice. I'm sorry, but true homosexuality is NOT a choice. I would not choose to be ridiculed on a daily basis by various people, confined to the house by my mom, and not allowed to go places with girls. I am scared to share with my friends from church and come out to them, as they will judge me and try to "fix" me or something.” ~ female student age 14
In addition, to the internal navigating of such complexity, is the reality that our response, in as public an arena as a school environment, carries significant implications for our witness in the broader community. The Christian response to the personal and relational reality of sexual minorities is one of the most significant litmus tests for unchurched people. We will be judged one way or the other: welcoming or exclusionary, promoting injustice or equity, extending respect or alienating. Confronted with such challenges, administrators, teachers, parents and students have the opportunity to join together in nurturing a safe and hospitable community for those outside the heterosexual mainstream.
Such a community follows in the steps of Jesus who waded fearlessly into the hot button tensions and points of exclusion of his day. At the heart of Jesus’ ministry, we see him crossing borders, touching the marginalized, and engaging the very kind of people that the religious leaders warned against. Jesus models for us the ultimate unconditional invitation when he breaks down barriers of religious bitterness with Samaritans, boundaries of uncleanness with lepers, and blockades of moral impurity with prostitutes. His behaviour was so scandalous, so subversive, so shocking that the most committed adherents of the faith failed to recognize the Kingdom in his ministry. They not only failed to recognize his fulfillment of God’s promise, but his movement to the margins so infuriated, frustrated and threatened their sense of appropriate religious conduct that they conspired to murder him.
Following Jesus and modeling our communities after his commitment to draw in those on the edges demands fearless love. Extending Christ-like hospitality is not mindless affirmation of a secularized view of sexuality. But it does create an environment in which love wins out over fear, formation wins out over control, invitation wins out over coercion, and education wins out over indoctrinization. Prayerful, Spirit led Biblical reflection on God’s story revealed through all of Scripture must lead our conversations. Issues of justice must be considered through the lens of God’s promise of shalom and redemption. But theoretical certainties compiled from systematic proof-texting may need to be deconstructed to hear the whisper of the Spirit in each unique life and journey. I have heard too many stories from those who felt they had no other option but to choose between going forward with God or being honest about their sexuality. This ought not to be. If environments of silence and denial persist in our schools, if topics of gender and sexual identity cannot be openly explored and discussed, we will perpetuate this false dichotomy. If even one student in your school walks away from God because they never found a safe place to honestly wrestle with how to integrate their faith and their experience of sexuality, “That”, says Jesus, the teller of a parable of leaving 99 sheep to search for one, “is one too many.” Gay communities are filled with post-Christian individuals, the tragic fallout of a defensive and fearful church. Our Christian schools can begin to reverse that trend. Our schools can be vibrant communities where people can be real and honest in their journeys.
“I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian. I have always been a tomboy and I always hang out with boys. I have had three boyfriends but have never had sex. I have always felt more like a boy than a girl but I definitely do NOT want a sex change.” ~ female student age 12
The reality is that adolescent development is commonly marked by uncertainty in sexual identity. Research has shown us that a quarter of 12 year olds have questions about their sexuality. The majority of those will eventually find themselves in the heterosexual mainstream. But given our over-sexualized and gay-positive culture, our students need safe places to navigate their experiences and confusion. A hospitable community humbly recognizes there are no formulas or ten step processes to guarantee a preferred outcome but rather encourages students to engage their whole self in the robust journey of discipleship. It has been said that the difference between tolerance and hospitality is that when tolerance is exercised there is no room for robust discussion of difference but when hospitality is extended the opportunity to listen, engage and explore the variety of perspectives brought to the table is welcomed.
Hospitality, therefore, invites a deeper exploration of who we are, who we are called to be, how we are called to live with one another in a manner that truly reflects the heart of Christ. True hospitality creates spaciousness in which difficult questions can be explored, values owned, virtues encouraged, reductionistic labels resisted, and wholistic identity in Christ formed. Such spaciousness invites honesty and authenticity for those whose experience of gender or sexual attraction falls outside of the mainstream. In the safety of such an environment, distinctions between attractions felt and choices about how to respond to those attractions can be considered without shame or judgment. Validation of each person’s worth and dignity as an image-bearer of God, regardless of sexual identity, can be communicated when a safe and hospitable ethos has been established. Valuing hospitality and being hospitable don’t go hand in hand without a lot of intentional steps along the way.
To nurture hospitable space for sexual minorities within our community we need to:
80% of our students perceive Christians to be anti-gay. We face the challenge of shaping the response of this generation. It will require boldly going to the margins in the footsteps of Jesus. It will mean facing our fears. But the vision of equipped, engaged ambassadors of reconciliation extending hospitality in a vibrantly Christ-like manner in the academies, workplaces and neighbourhoods of our communities makes every intentional step and risk worth it, for this is the heart of the gospel.
-WG
It was a story I’d heard before, but hearing it in the Christian school I’d graduated from, brought a level of emotion that surprised even me. In ten years of engaging with those outside the heterosexual mainstream, I have sat with countless individuals who shared stories of unsafe environments within the Christian community. But hearing my colleague tell of being beaten up by a group of boys at his Christian school during our seminar for teachers was a poignant moment. We had spent all day going through questions of identity, causation, disclosure, student support and the reality of homophobic language and behaviour that continues to persist in our school environments. My colleague’s story, told from the perspective of someone who had journeyed for as long as he could remember with the reality of same-sex attraction, packed an emotional punch that no amount of theoretical diversity training could offer.
“I'm so confused right now, and could really use some help. When I was 12, I got caught messing around with a girl. I got in a lot of trouble. After that, I started watching gay porn. I've never had many guy friends, although I've wanted them. It's mostly been girls. At this point, I'm almost exclusively turned on by guys, and I'm worried if I turned myself gay somehow, by watching gay porn and not being around many guys. Deep down inside, though, I feel straight, or at least bisexual. I really like girls and want a relationship with one. What should I do?” ~ male student age 15
Questions of sexual and gender identity are a reality in our schools that can no longer be ignored. The tensions are complex and challenging. Teachers and administrators may feel the tug and pull of diverse needs and expectations. There are faith-based beliefs and values to uphold. There are parental concerns regarding what is discussed and taught on a topic like homosexuality. There are the needs of students who may be questioning, struggling, experimenting or trying to navigate their own coming out process. There are opportunities to guide students who are wrestling to know how to engage their culture, interact with gay people, and integrate their Christian faith in these areas. There are same-sex attracted educators who may carry the weight of hiding such an intrinsic part of themselves from their communities. There can be assumptions, misunderstandings, and fear. There is also the increasing reality of diversity in our school communities. Gone are the days of predicting a uniform response to sexual ethics for same-sex attracted people. Sincere people who are committed to Christ and care deeply about the formational authority of Scripture in our lives come to different conclusions about the appropriateness of covenanted same-sex partnerships for those who experience a persistent gay orientation. Such diversity can be further intensified in multicultural settings where families from different backgrounds may have radically different responses to sexual minorities.
“I started coming to terms with my sexuality around age 12 and was very "in the closet" about it. I later came out to my mom, which was a big mistake. I then confided in someone I trusted at school, and she spread it around the entire school. I was embarrassed at first, but I am comfortable with it and I feel more free now that I am out at school. However, I am not out at church. The people at church are not accepting of people being gay. They accept the people as friends, but not that part of them and they try to break that. They always claim that homosexuality is a choice. I'm sorry, but true homosexuality is NOT a choice. I would not choose to be ridiculed on a daily basis by various people, confined to the house by my mom, and not allowed to go places with girls. I am scared to share with my friends from church and come out to them, as they will judge me and try to "fix" me or something.” ~ female student age 14
In addition, to the internal navigating of such complexity, is the reality that our response, in as public an arena as a school environment, carries significant implications for our witness in the broader community. The Christian response to the personal and relational reality of sexual minorities is one of the most significant litmus tests for unchurched people. We will be judged one way or the other: welcoming or exclusionary, promoting injustice or equity, extending respect or alienating. Confronted with such challenges, administrators, teachers, parents and students have the opportunity to join together in nurturing a safe and hospitable community for those outside the heterosexual mainstream.
Such a community follows in the steps of Jesus who waded fearlessly into the hot button tensions and points of exclusion of his day. At the heart of Jesus’ ministry, we see him crossing borders, touching the marginalized, and engaging the very kind of people that the religious leaders warned against. Jesus models for us the ultimate unconditional invitation when he breaks down barriers of religious bitterness with Samaritans, boundaries of uncleanness with lepers, and blockades of moral impurity with prostitutes. His behaviour was so scandalous, so subversive, so shocking that the most committed adherents of the faith failed to recognize the Kingdom in his ministry. They not only failed to recognize his fulfillment of God’s promise, but his movement to the margins so infuriated, frustrated and threatened their sense of appropriate religious conduct that they conspired to murder him.
Following Jesus and modeling our communities after his commitment to draw in those on the edges demands fearless love. Extending Christ-like hospitality is not mindless affirmation of a secularized view of sexuality. But it does create an environment in which love wins out over fear, formation wins out over control, invitation wins out over coercion, and education wins out over indoctrinization. Prayerful, Spirit led Biblical reflection on God’s story revealed through all of Scripture must lead our conversations. Issues of justice must be considered through the lens of God’s promise of shalom and redemption. But theoretical certainties compiled from systematic proof-texting may need to be deconstructed to hear the whisper of the Spirit in each unique life and journey. I have heard too many stories from those who felt they had no other option but to choose between going forward with God or being honest about their sexuality. This ought not to be. If environments of silence and denial persist in our schools, if topics of gender and sexual identity cannot be openly explored and discussed, we will perpetuate this false dichotomy. If even one student in your school walks away from God because they never found a safe place to honestly wrestle with how to integrate their faith and their experience of sexuality, “That”, says Jesus, the teller of a parable of leaving 99 sheep to search for one, “is one too many.” Gay communities are filled with post-Christian individuals, the tragic fallout of a defensive and fearful church. Our Christian schools can begin to reverse that trend. Our schools can be vibrant communities where people can be real and honest in their journeys.
“I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian. I have always been a tomboy and I always hang out with boys. I have had three boyfriends but have never had sex. I have always felt more like a boy than a girl but I definitely do NOT want a sex change.” ~ female student age 12
The reality is that adolescent development is commonly marked by uncertainty in sexual identity. Research has shown us that a quarter of 12 year olds have questions about their sexuality. The majority of those will eventually find themselves in the heterosexual mainstream. But given our over-sexualized and gay-positive culture, our students need safe places to navigate their experiences and confusion. A hospitable community humbly recognizes there are no formulas or ten step processes to guarantee a preferred outcome but rather encourages students to engage their whole self in the robust journey of discipleship. It has been said that the difference between tolerance and hospitality is that when tolerance is exercised there is no room for robust discussion of difference but when hospitality is extended the opportunity to listen, engage and explore the variety of perspectives brought to the table is welcomed.
Hospitality, therefore, invites a deeper exploration of who we are, who we are called to be, how we are called to live with one another in a manner that truly reflects the heart of Christ. True hospitality creates spaciousness in which difficult questions can be explored, values owned, virtues encouraged, reductionistic labels resisted, and wholistic identity in Christ formed. Such spaciousness invites honesty and authenticity for those whose experience of gender or sexual attraction falls outside of the mainstream. In the safety of such an environment, distinctions between attractions felt and choices about how to respond to those attractions can be considered without shame or judgment. Validation of each person’s worth and dignity as an image-bearer of God, regardless of sexual identity, can be communicated when a safe and hospitable ethos has been established. Valuing hospitality and being hospitable don’t go hand in hand without a lot of intentional steps along the way.
To nurture hospitable space for sexual minorities within our community we need to:
- Recognize and confront the places where fear is preventing us from embodying the radically invitational ministry of Jesus. This needs to happen at the constituency level with parents and supporters, at the board and staff level, and at the student body level.
- Affirm the presence of sexual minorities in our communities and validate the reality of their experiences. Model the distinction between acceptance and approval. Accepting a person who experiences same-sex attraction is not conditional on approving every decision they make.
- Commit time and resources to equipping staff and students at the intersection of faith and sexuality. Bring in a speaker to share their story. Engage documentaries and DVD resources. Integrate this conversation in Bible, social studies, health, history, art and other classes.
- Speak up when exclusionary language or humour is heard. Help the community to connect to the personal impact by sharing stories of same-sex attracted individuals who have experienced rejection, bullying, or violence.
- Review policies for equitable language. Equity is about people. Policy is about behaviour. Determine that codes of conduct will maintain consistent standards.
- Cultivate a community where different perspectives can be held with the expectation of mutual respect and honouring of one another’s convictions. Be willing to acknowledge that mystery is part of the journey of faith. Intentionally prioritize loving and serving one another over being right.
80% of our students perceive Christians to be anti-gay. We face the challenge of shaping the response of this generation. It will require boldly going to the margins in the footsteps of Jesus. It will mean facing our fears. But the vision of equipped, engaged ambassadors of reconciliation extending hospitality in a vibrantly Christ-like manner in the academies, workplaces and neighbourhoods of our communities makes every intentional step and risk worth it, for this is the heart of the gospel.
-WG
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Engaging the Arts
I’ve just returned from New York City – not exactly the place one might imagine as a place of deep quiet renewal. But in the first evening of the 2 and half day arts encounter I was participating in, I felt my soul sigh in the best sense of the word. I felt like a bit of a misfit in this place – yet again. None-the-less, I chose to be as fully present as possible. And I chose to drink in the depth of an attentiveness to the vocation to create. In my life, I’ve wrestled a fair bit with what expression my own creativity might take. I succumbed to the assumptions that only “those” people were artists …. and the rest of us…. well we just weren’t. As Makoto Fujimoro pointed to a Richard Rohr quote on the first night in the pulse of the city, artists are those with the prophetic calling to live on the edge of the inside …. this edge which sometimes slips past the edge to the outside.
This rich presentation was followed by a poetry reading. As I listened to poet Li Young Lee speak of his vocation to be vigilant to the myriad of poems within him and discern which one the divine Spirit was compelling him to write in that moment of that time in that space …. I recognized myself. Audacious as that may sound. This business of vocation….. of being alert …. of choosing to be present to see with eyes perhaps untrained but all-the-more practiced to see between the lines, the space between the frame. To see with eyes that identify with another – not as a passing fancy – but as a long obedience in the same direction – entering in, persevering, listening for nuance, distinctiveness, and contours of experience. Adrienne Chaplin spoke beautifully of the multi-sensory need to perceive and articulate lived experience in our quest to nurture beauty and shalom. It seemed to me a wonderful invitation to consider the impact of lived experience in our reflections on the discipleship journey for those outside the heterosexual mainstream.
The first night I pondered, “Here in this place of artists, gathering with a dream to rehumanize a broken and fractured world, I feel like one peering through the window hoping to not only catch what is going on inside – but with the audacious hope that someone will glance my way and beckon me in. What does artistry have to do with presence at the intersection of faith and sexuality? What brings me to search for my own creative soul in such a place? The many who gather here who embrace an authentic faith …. will they embrace the depth of complexity I seek to navigate with the soul of an artist …. or will I encounter the compartmentalized, the predictable, the distance so typical of people of faith when I begin to describe this generous spaciousness of incarnational posture with those who so often embody the artist soul on the edge of the inside (or the outside at the edge). Or will I find a place of belonging, of shared stretching, looking past the frame, reaching for the treasure of being fully human, in solidarity, in mutuality, in love.” In actuality, many (but thankfully not all) of the conversations I initiated with other participants around sexuality elicited rather simplistic, reductionistic and nuance-lacking responses. I was disappointed by this – but not particularly surprised. Intellectual conversation around the arts morphed into a one-dimensional, theoretical expression of certainty when I indicated the arena I engaged and our plans for an arts initiative as a collaborative space for connection and celebration of our common humanity. In raising the question of how the arts might be a pathway of hospitality for sexual minority persons in the faith community in one of the general sessions, one of the keynote speakers spoke with a kind and generous spirit about our call to love unconditionally and celebrate our common humanity. This was beautiful. Yet his comments about not labeling anyone revealed the common evangelical discomfort with acknowledging the reality that some individuals experience persistent same-sex orientation and by identifying as gay they choose to live honest and authentic lives.
Makoto spoke Friday night of cultural estuaries. An estuary is a place where the mouth of a river meets the sea. A co-mingling of fresh and salt water, a paradoxical, multi-directional tension of currents flowing rife with struggle and life. It would seem, without trying to overstate or be pretentious in any way that New Direction is in this place of estuary. We seek to create a space at this point of intersection that is generous, that allows the mixing and colliding and co-mingling of the beauty and chaos of our diversity. Over this turbulence is the commonality of substance. In the river/ocean estuary that common substance is water. In the conversation at the intersection of faith and sexuality, this common element is the life of God seen in the outworking of relationship with Jesus Christ and the Image-bearing nature of our humanity of which our sexuality is an intrinsic part. Estuaries aren’t all that common. They aren’t around every bend of the river. But where they occur there is a wildness, a vibrancy, a place where both renewal and risk happen. As New Direction seeks to be such an estuary, our prayer is that in this place of daring to listen, interact, and encounter diversity of thought, intuition, belief and integration into the life of discipleship and the larger story of faith that there would be a sense of renewal. Perhaps this renewal will be a sense of revisiting and rediscovering a vibrancy within the perspectives and convictions that one has always held. Perhaps this renewal will mean an opening and widening in the ways one perceives and thinks about these questions of integrating faith and minority gender and sexual identity experiences. Perhaps this renewal will reveal itself in paradigmatic shifts in attitude or in levels of certainty or in priorities or in epistemology (the search and study of truth) or in hermeneutics (the expression of our Scriptural interpretations). Such renewal can feel dangerous. It can be profoundly unsettling. But where fear is relinquished and love is allowed to reign, such renewal can release us into a deeper sense of our own humanity and the astounding gift of freedom God extends to his Image-bearing creations.
After hearing Makoto’s talk, the next day I went down and sat by the estuary in New York – the Hudson river meeting the Atlantic ocean. It was indeed a place of turbulence. With buildings lining both sides of the water, taxi boats criss-crossing artificially adding their own currents, and despite the clear day a faint haze of smog softening the crispness, this estuary was not alone. It wasn’t left to the solitude of its own surging – it was imposed upon by these external realities silently but significantly impacting the life beneath the surface of the waves. This too reminded me of the conversation at the intersection of faith and sexuality. The conversation alone, unpolluted by fear, control, selfishness, is turbulent. But buffeted about on all sides by interfering agendas, concerns, and assumptions, the cross-currents intensify making it all the more challenging for those for whom this point of intersection is personal, real and unavoidable.
I wonder if those who situate themselves within the heterosexual mainstream who make very public and clear statements about the decisions and choices those outside the heterosexual mainstream ought to be taking pause long enough to consider the ways they add to the challenging waters our sexual minority friends need to navigate. There is of course a time for those who are learned in fields such as theology, exegesis, epistemology, hermeneutics, ethics, anthropology, psychology and sociology (to name just a few) to offer their insights and wisdom into such multi-faceted conversations as the integration of faith with the experience of minority gender or sexual identities. The question is the ethos through which such insights and wisdom is shared. Is it shared with an overtone of oppression such that the learned one deposits and the sexual minority recipient is expected to simply absorb and implement the recommendations made (likely by someone who is not a sexual minority themselves) without question or the weight of their own experience? Or are the insights offered in a spirit of gift, the offering of one who loves in such a manner that it need not be controlling or coercive?
In such an estuary of turbulence, what is the posture of Jesus towards those personally seeking to navigate the swirling currents of experience, intuition, desire, belief, motivations, maturity, commitments, or relationships? What is the narrow path Jesus speaks of? What is the cross to bear he challenges his disciples with? Who are we as his heirs and co-heirs? How are we to view ourselves? How are we to love ourselves? How are we to embrace our humanity? How are we to rest in knowing we are loved? How are we to lay down our own lives? How are we to love others?
Such paradox. Such tension. Such individual and unique journeys and stories. It seems to me in this place of estuary, as each of us wrestles with these questions both in relationship with Christ and in relationship with one another, we do well to exercise the fruits of the Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control as we recognize that each person to some degree is seeking to navigate the inevitable turbulence this conversation creates. “Be kind to one another, for we do not know the battle another is fighting.”
My prayer is that as we foray into the arena of the arts, and particularly in the spaces where art and faith meet, that we will illuminate the complexities inherent in the journey for LGBTQI people, deepen the conversations, and probe the wonderful ways that the intersection of art and sexuality can nurture safe and spacious places for all people to explore and grow in faith in Jesus Christ. In these spaces, the focus will not be the direction of someone’s sexual and romantic attractions but rather our common humanity, our call to be generative, and through our collaborative creativity work towards the world as it ought to be.
-WG
Rohr says, “…..the unique and rare position of a Biblical prophet—he or she is always on the edge of the inside. Not an outsider throwing rocks, not a comfortable insider who defends the status quo, but one who lives precariously with two perspectives held tightly together—the faithful insider and the critical outsider at the same time. Not ensconced safely inside, but not so far outside as to lose compassion or understanding….. The prophet must hold these perspectives in a loving and necessary creative tension. It is a unique kind of seeing and living, which will largely leave the prophet with “nowhere to lay his head” while easily meriting the “hatred of all” – who have invariably taken sides in opposing groups (Luke 21:16-17)….
People inside of belonging systems are very threatened by those who are not within that group. They are threatened by anyone who has found their citizenship in places they cannot control…..
[Such prophets] tend to be, each in their own way, orthodox, conservative, traditional clergy, intellectuals, or believers, but that very authentic inner experience and membership allows them to utterly critique the very systems that they are a part of. You might say that their enlightened actions clarified what our mere belief systems really mean. These prophets critiqued Christianity by the very values that they learned from Christianity. Every one of these men and women was marginalized, fought, excluded, persecuted, or even killed by the illusions that they exposed and the systems they tried to reform. It is the structural fate of a prophet. You can only truly unlock systems from within, but then you are invariably locked out.
When you live on the edge of the inside, you will almost wish you were outside. Then you are merely an enemy, a pagan, a persona non grata, and can largely be ignored or written off. But if you are both inside and outside, you are the ultimate threat, the ultimate reformer, and the ultimate invitation.”
This rich presentation was followed by a poetry reading. As I listened to poet Li Young Lee speak of his vocation to be vigilant to the myriad of poems within him and discern which one the divine Spirit was compelling him to write in that moment of that time in that space …. I recognized myself. Audacious as that may sound. This business of vocation….. of being alert …. of choosing to be present to see with eyes perhaps untrained but all-the-more practiced to see between the lines, the space between the frame. To see with eyes that identify with another – not as a passing fancy – but as a long obedience in the same direction – entering in, persevering, listening for nuance, distinctiveness, and contours of experience. Adrienne Chaplin spoke beautifully of the multi-sensory need to perceive and articulate lived experience in our quest to nurture beauty and shalom. It seemed to me a wonderful invitation to consider the impact of lived experience in our reflections on the discipleship journey for those outside the heterosexual mainstream.
The first night I pondered, “Here in this place of artists, gathering with a dream to rehumanize a broken and fractured world, I feel like one peering through the window hoping to not only catch what is going on inside – but with the audacious hope that someone will glance my way and beckon me in. What does artistry have to do with presence at the intersection of faith and sexuality? What brings me to search for my own creative soul in such a place? The many who gather here who embrace an authentic faith …. will they embrace the depth of complexity I seek to navigate with the soul of an artist …. or will I encounter the compartmentalized, the predictable, the distance so typical of people of faith when I begin to describe this generous spaciousness of incarnational posture with those who so often embody the artist soul on the edge of the inside (or the outside at the edge). Or will I find a place of belonging, of shared stretching, looking past the frame, reaching for the treasure of being fully human, in solidarity, in mutuality, in love.” In actuality, many (but thankfully not all) of the conversations I initiated with other participants around sexuality elicited rather simplistic, reductionistic and nuance-lacking responses. I was disappointed by this – but not particularly surprised. Intellectual conversation around the arts morphed into a one-dimensional, theoretical expression of certainty when I indicated the arena I engaged and our plans for an arts initiative as a collaborative space for connection and celebration of our common humanity. In raising the question of how the arts might be a pathway of hospitality for sexual minority persons in the faith community in one of the general sessions, one of the keynote speakers spoke with a kind and generous spirit about our call to love unconditionally and celebrate our common humanity. This was beautiful. Yet his comments about not labeling anyone revealed the common evangelical discomfort with acknowledging the reality that some individuals experience persistent same-sex orientation and by identifying as gay they choose to live honest and authentic lives.
Makoto spoke Friday night of cultural estuaries. An estuary is a place where the mouth of a river meets the sea. A co-mingling of fresh and salt water, a paradoxical, multi-directional tension of currents flowing rife with struggle and life. It would seem, without trying to overstate or be pretentious in any way that New Direction is in this place of estuary. We seek to create a space at this point of intersection that is generous, that allows the mixing and colliding and co-mingling of the beauty and chaos of our diversity. Over this turbulence is the commonality of substance. In the river/ocean estuary that common substance is water. In the conversation at the intersection of faith and sexuality, this common element is the life of God seen in the outworking of relationship with Jesus Christ and the Image-bearing nature of our humanity of which our sexuality is an intrinsic part. Estuaries aren’t all that common. They aren’t around every bend of the river. But where they occur there is a wildness, a vibrancy, a place where both renewal and risk happen. As New Direction seeks to be such an estuary, our prayer is that in this place of daring to listen, interact, and encounter diversity of thought, intuition, belief and integration into the life of discipleship and the larger story of faith that there would be a sense of renewal. Perhaps this renewal will be a sense of revisiting and rediscovering a vibrancy within the perspectives and convictions that one has always held. Perhaps this renewal will mean an opening and widening in the ways one perceives and thinks about these questions of integrating faith and minority gender and sexual identity experiences. Perhaps this renewal will reveal itself in paradigmatic shifts in attitude or in levels of certainty or in priorities or in epistemology (the search and study of truth) or in hermeneutics (the expression of our Scriptural interpretations). Such renewal can feel dangerous. It can be profoundly unsettling. But where fear is relinquished and love is allowed to reign, such renewal can release us into a deeper sense of our own humanity and the astounding gift of freedom God extends to his Image-bearing creations.
After hearing Makoto’s talk, the next day I went down and sat by the estuary in New York – the Hudson river meeting the Atlantic ocean. It was indeed a place of turbulence. With buildings lining both sides of the water, taxi boats criss-crossing artificially adding their own currents, and despite the clear day a faint haze of smog softening the crispness, this estuary was not alone. It wasn’t left to the solitude of its own surging – it was imposed upon by these external realities silently but significantly impacting the life beneath the surface of the waves. This too reminded me of the conversation at the intersection of faith and sexuality. The conversation alone, unpolluted by fear, control, selfishness, is turbulent. But buffeted about on all sides by interfering agendas, concerns, and assumptions, the cross-currents intensify making it all the more challenging for those for whom this point of intersection is personal, real and unavoidable.
I wonder if those who situate themselves within the heterosexual mainstream who make very public and clear statements about the decisions and choices those outside the heterosexual mainstream ought to be taking pause long enough to consider the ways they add to the challenging waters our sexual minority friends need to navigate. There is of course a time for those who are learned in fields such as theology, exegesis, epistemology, hermeneutics, ethics, anthropology, psychology and sociology (to name just a few) to offer their insights and wisdom into such multi-faceted conversations as the integration of faith with the experience of minority gender or sexual identities. The question is the ethos through which such insights and wisdom is shared. Is it shared with an overtone of oppression such that the learned one deposits and the sexual minority recipient is expected to simply absorb and implement the recommendations made (likely by someone who is not a sexual minority themselves) without question or the weight of their own experience? Or are the insights offered in a spirit of gift, the offering of one who loves in such a manner that it need not be controlling or coercive?
In such an estuary of turbulence, what is the posture of Jesus towards those personally seeking to navigate the swirling currents of experience, intuition, desire, belief, motivations, maturity, commitments, or relationships? What is the narrow path Jesus speaks of? What is the cross to bear he challenges his disciples with? Who are we as his heirs and co-heirs? How are we to view ourselves? How are we to love ourselves? How are we to embrace our humanity? How are we to rest in knowing we are loved? How are we to lay down our own lives? How are we to love others?
Such paradox. Such tension. Such individual and unique journeys and stories. It seems to me in this place of estuary, as each of us wrestles with these questions both in relationship with Christ and in relationship with one another, we do well to exercise the fruits of the Spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control as we recognize that each person to some degree is seeking to navigate the inevitable turbulence this conversation creates. “Be kind to one another, for we do not know the battle another is fighting.”
My prayer is that as we foray into the arena of the arts, and particularly in the spaces where art and faith meet, that we will illuminate the complexities inherent in the journey for LGBTQI people, deepen the conversations, and probe the wonderful ways that the intersection of art and sexuality can nurture safe and spacious places for all people to explore and grow in faith in Jesus Christ. In these spaces, the focus will not be the direction of someone’s sexual and romantic attractions but rather our common humanity, our call to be generative, and through our collaborative creativity work towards the world as it ought to be.
-WG
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