Wes and I have been working through Jean Vanier’s book, “Finding
Peace” in our staff devotions. I love
this little book and have prayed through it many times. Vanier’s context is working with adults who
are intellectually and physically differently abled. This is quite distinct from the arena of
faith and sexuality and those who find themselves outside the majority status
of gender and sexual orientation.
However, his insights about humanity, about finding peace in the midst
of difference, are universal and often deeply inspiring as we seek to go about
our work through New Direction.
Vanier says, “The world is divided into many thousands of
more or less hermetically closed groups.
If each group is sure that it is better than others, how will peace ever
come? It is difficult to dialogue with others if we cling arrogantly to the idea
that we are right or that our power and technology are a sign of our humanity
and goodness. Walls and barriers exist
between people because of language, but also because of fear – each group
fearful of those who are different, fearful of losing its identity. People resist opening up to others. Aren’t we all in one way or another enclosed
in a secure group, in our culture, our religion, our family, our network of
friends? Family and different types of
groups are needed for human growth, but when they become sealed they engender
rivalry, conflict, elitism.”
Yesterday, I quietly prayed and lamented a world that became
more entrenched in its polarization. How
do prophets of peace speak into the madness of boycott and counter-appreciation
events? How does a peace-maker respond
to the reality of pain and anger and reductionism on both ends of the
spectrum?
Some wrote thoughtful posts attempting to bring some nuance
to the whole debacle. And I am glad for
their stewardship of influence and their attempt to bring humble wisdom and
charity into the fodder for extreme reactions, biting bitterness, and cutting cynicism.
I chose to refrain from speaking. That’s hard to do. It’s a moment. An opportunity. Throw your opinion into the ring. See if you can ride the internet traffic
wave. See if people will like what you
say.
That’s how it works these days. Find your significance, build your
credibility, leverage your opportunities, grow your network, increase your
influence …. and don’t let up …. and don’t stop ….. and keep writing…. keep posting…..
stay on top ….. be first ….. be the brightest and the best …. be the “go to” ….
make it to the top of the list ….
Staying silent, lamenting, praying …. allowing your heart to
deeply hear the hurt and confusion ….. allowing yourself to be present to the
shrill anger marked by exaggerated claims and desperation to be heard,
acknowledged, honoured …. while withholding the very same from other …. this is
the hard and hidden work of those prophets of peace who persevere day after
day, month after month, year after year.
Not living from one sensational happening to another – but down in the trenches
with real people taking sometimes seemingly imperceptible steps towards
justice, towards reconciliation, towards dialogue, towards understanding,
towards mutuality and generosity and kindness and humility and extending
spaciousness to one another despite difference …..
But this kind of work doesn’t generate the kind of energy
and excitement that boycotts and protests and public venting, name-calling, and
generalized write-offs do.
But ….. can it sow seeds of peace that are lasting ….. seeds
that can take root ….. that can grow ….. and in time bear fruit?
Having to be persistently patient
is hard work. Staying present in the
tension…. loving across the divides …. listening deeply to each one all across
the spectrum …. extending friendship. Learning
contentment and living in the rhythms of grace in the face of systems of power
that fight each other and wound countless others in the process seems not only
counter-intuitive but useless…… and yet …..
“Real peace implies something
deeper than polite acceptance of those who are different. It means meeting those who are different,
appreciating them and their culture, and creating bonds of friendship with
them. Family, culture, religion,
community, and friendship are all realities that are vital for human
growth. But we need to learn how not to remain
enclosed or imprisoned in such groups.
We have to cross boundaries and meet others who are different. Coexistence is a foundation, and it is
important, but peace is something much deeper.
To create peace we have to go further than just saying hello. We have to discover who the other person is
and reveal who we are. As we listen to
and really meet one another, we begin to see the work of God in the beauty and
value, in the deepest personhood, of those who are different.”
The reason yesterday’s event and
the days leading up to it have seemed to be so painful is that it seems to
paint this public and absolute demonstration of the lack of desire and
willingness to work for peace. The
polarized voices are the loud ones. And
each time one side or the other reacts it is louder, it is stronger, it is more
certain, it is more alienating, it moves farther and farther from the deep
peace that in our deepest hearts we are desperate for.
The lines that became deeper and
darker in the last few days hurt everyone …. and lead no one to peace. New sprouts of dialogue and openness may well
have been crushed by yesterday’s displays.
Hope for dialogue and reconciliation took a blow yesterday.
But prophets of peace aren’t a
flash in the pan, or very flashy at all.
They are the ones the day after a big hoopla, through prayers and tears,
who stand quietly to begin again. To speak
words that invite us to the hard work of peace ….. again. They
call us to extend ourselves, again, in willingness to enter conversation, to
listen more than we speak, to wait, to exercise patience, to risk befriending,
to endure being misunderstood, to refuse to take offence, to choose to see and
value the humanity in another. Prophets
of peace grieve with those who encounter locked doors, loved ones who refuse to
engage. Prophets of peace stand with
those who, as of yet, are too hurt, bitter, or angry to try again….. extending
love and gentle patience. Prophets of
peace remind us that we are so much more than the shrill words and strong
emotions that came up and out of us yesterday in the heat of the battle. They, again, raise the vision of unity in
diversity which nurtures shalom for the common good. And they risk getting shot at by those who
are unwilling or not ready to lay down the weapons of the latest skirmish.
Prophets of peace emerge to
remind us that this isn’t about chicken or business or promotion or politics or
power or winning or being proved right….. it is about our common humanity, our
shared Belovedness, our call to share this earth together and to find peace
together ….. where all people can flourish, where all can love and be
loved. We cannot find this place without
one another. We can try to take
short-cuts that leave the losers in the dust …. but in the end, “if I diminish
you, I diminish myself.” We are
inter-connected and inter-dependent whether we like it or not. In our anger and our pain we want to take
what we believe we deserve …. but in the taking we lose something of ourselves
as we cast others aside.
“Those who seek encounters with
those who are different do not always know where the relationship will
lead. To love is always a risk: it can mean rejection and marginalization by
the secure group one belongs to; it can mean pain in the relationship
itself. To love in this way can cause a
loss of security, even a loss of friends from one’s own culture who remain
stuck behind categories and do not understand.”
To those who hold conservative
views concerning gay marriage, to those who hold affirming views of gay
marriage, to those who are personally impacted by these matters, to those who
engage more theoretically, to those who are well versed in these issues, to
those who are only scratching the surface, to those who are confused, to those
who want to love but don’t know how to navigate the tensions, to those who feel
battered and bruised, weary, discouraged, to those whose energizing anger is
justifying arrogant words and deeds that have lost sight of our interconnected
human reality …..
Please. Be.
Still.
These issues matter deeply. They matter so deeply that we must pursue a
deeper peace that will sustain life-giving shalom for us all.
Note: go here to purchase Vanier's book
-WG

Maaaaar-deuh !
ReplyDeleteI hate it when someone I've dismissed as either impossibly idealistic or just plain deluded comes up with something that stops me in my tracks and makes me question my behaviour and motives.
I'm seriously annoyed and may never forgive you for it, Wendy Gritter. But I have to take you seriously now.
Esti de tabarnac ! Chui crissement embêté, moé !!!
Isn't it interesting that in the Beatitudes, there's this amazing list of "Blessed are you when something happens to you" statements.
ReplyDeleteBut Peacemakers don't fit.
They break the mould. They're active. Blessed are those who make peace. Blessed are those who participate in bringing peace to our communities. Blessed are those willing to stick their necks out time and again, for the sake of peace.
It's not an easy road. And it requires work. Thank-you for reminding us of that.
Isn't it interesting that in the Beatitudes, there's this amazing list of "Blessed are you when something happens to you" statements.
ReplyDeleteBut Peacemakers don't fit.
They break the mould. They're active. Blessed are those who make peace. Blessed are those who participate in bringing peace to our communities. Blessed are those willing to stick their necks out time and again, for the sake of peace.
It's not an easy road. And it requires work. Thank-you for reminding us of that.
Here's the thing though: having thought about this for a couple of days ... when you stop loving someone because they've just hurt you too much, surely reconciliation becomes a logical impossibility.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking what would have happened if one of your prophets of peace had tried to mediate between my father and I. He (or she) wouldn't have got very far because there was nothing to build on. Not on my side, anyway. I can't remember ever experiencing anything except negative feelings towards my father, which as I detached myself from him slowly turned into utter indifference. Given that he always maintained that he loved me, does that mean I had a responsibility to return that emotion? Are we all obliged to love those who love us? What if we just don't?
A "loved one who refuses to engage" may well have very good reasons for such a refusal. He may have run the gamut of negative feelings and have reached a place where he experiences no feelings at all about his homophobic family member. Should he then pretend to love that person just to make them feel better? Wouldn't that be hypocritical and dishonest? Surely there has to be a place for honesty and facing up to the consequences of your actions in this process of peace.
Or is it more important to be seen to reconcile because what counts in the Church is saving face and convincing others that you're doing the right, Christian thing?
Hi Steven,
ReplyDeleteI have found more freedom not living by "shoulds" and "oughts," but by the heart that God is forming in me now, as I cultivate that relationship.
I went several years of not feeling love towards my Mom, for choices she made that negatively impacted me ... I intentionally pulled away and did not call much or visit her, because I didn't want to fake it...I truly was not feeling anything towards her, so I just went with that....
Then my Mom started to have chronic health conditions that landed her in the hospital, and I was the one she called on to be with and care for her for the next several years until she passed (May 12, 2012). It was during that time of care-taking that our hearts once again became engaged and healing and forgiveness and understanding were all sorted out - it was messy at times - took some perseverance on my part - but I hung in there and eventually love between us began to flow again...to the point where I can honestly say that she was 'my best friend.' That's my experience and I hope sharing it with you helps in some way.
Judy
My father passed away a few years ago, but during his final illness I was expected to make the effort to see him and try and "sort things out" before he died. I chose not to and it's a choice I really don't regret.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it's possible (although highly unlikely) that we could have been reconciled, but I just didn't see the point. I didn't want to be near him and I certainly didn't want him as a friend. I didn't want anything from him and although he seemed to want something from me, it was something I just didn't feel and it seemed wrong and dishonest to pretend I did.
I think I get the idea of grace and how it's important to extend it even to those who may be ungrateful or undeserving. But surely it has to motivated by real feeling. How could I extend grace to my father if by doing so I had to lie and pretend to love and care about him when what I really felt was an indifference so profound that he might as well have been a stranger? Is that what you'd call a "little white lie"? To me it seemed like such a whopper that nobody would ever be able to swallow it.
Grace may be important, but what about truth?
To Steve,
ReplyDeleteGrace is giving loving actions when you don't feel loving.
For Steve,
ReplyDeleteThe love God wants from us is doing the loving action without having the loving feeling. Grace is God's love for us without us doing any lovable actions.