It has already been a couple of weeks since our first
Generous Spaciousness Conference Retreat – hard to believe how fast time
goes. I have been so busy with meetings
and presentations that I haven’t had that much time to simply sit quietly and
reflect. But as Wes and I went through
our lists of “celebrate” and “improve” it was really wonderful to see that all
the things in the “improve” column were about behind the scenes administrative
type details. And all the things in the “celebrate”
column were connected to our hopes and goals for the experience. That is amazing – and I am humbled and
grateful.
For those of you not able to attend, let me describe the
design and intent behind the experience.
Generous Spaciousness is a framework in which we hope that the Body of
Christ can experience unity in diversity.
That means that we enter this space with the acknowledgement that
Christians who love Jesus and who deeply care about the Scriptures come to
differing conclusions on many controversial matters – including the questions
that surround marriage equality. Rather
than focusing on boundary maintenance – that is trying to figure out who is “in”
and who is “out” – generous spaciousness is centered around key core values. Those values include: humility, hospitality, mutuality and justice.
Our goal for the conference retreat, therefore, was to
gather a diverse group of people, introduce them to the concept of generous
spaciousness, and then invite them to spend time in the rhythms of worship,
silence, and dialogue over a weekend together.
Our central common ground, for the majority of our participants, is our
commitment to Jesus Christ. We did gladly
welcome individuals who do not identify with Christian faith or who are questioning
their faith for a few reasons. First, we
believe that Jesus would welcome them.
His ministry modeled a radical hospitality – and we wanted to as
well. Second, we believe that
non-Christians have much to offer this conversation – and in particular, may be
well equipped to help Christians see their blind-spots. So, if non-Christians were willing to participate
within the parameters of generous spaciousness and to honour the reality that
the conference retreat would be unapologetically Christian, we were glad to
welcome them. And for those who came,
their presence did prove to be enriching and a gift.
Given this central focus on shared faith in Jesus Christ,
worship was essential to our time together. We were grateful for the sensitivity of our worship leaders as they led
us through carefully chosen songs, litanies, and Scripture readings. We had times of corporate prayer together
that centered us and prepared us to listen for God’s voice.
Worship was followed by keynote presentations that were
prepared to catalyze the dialogue in small groups. The first keynote introduced generous
spaciousness and its core values. It
also laid out the parameters of dialogue so that all the participants could go
into their groups with a common understanding and commitment to listen deeply,
extend mutual respect, avoid arguments or trying to persuade one another, and
works towards shared understanding and a deeper, rich and more robust
understanding of the intersection of faith and sexuality by sharing in one
another’s experiences.
We called our small groups “community groups”. Our hope was that as each group had the
opportunity to meet four times over the course of the weekend, that they would
experience a sense of community together.
Based on our best knowledge of the background of the participants, we
made the groups as diverse as possible. Of
the 60+ participants we had age differences, we came from different ethnic
backgrounds, we worshipped in different traditions, we had different levels of
theological education and had differing theological views, we had various
ministry involvements, we had different relationship experiences, different
sexual orientations, different gender identities, and we had different
expectations coming in to the conference.
Groups were 6-7 people with one participant asked to give very basic
facilitation simply to ensure that parameters were being honoured and
participants were all having the opportunity to engage.
This rhythm of worship, silence and dialogue was followed by
a very informal meet and greet over wine in a box and potato chips. This seemed to be a big hit – and it was a
delight to hear conversations springing up everywhere. Hugs were plentiful. Some people knew each other before coming –
but a lot were making first-time connections.
The next day we again entered our rhythm of worship and
silence. We wanted to make space to hear
from God prior to spending time listening to each other. We wanted our hearts to be open to God
first. The second keynote was focused on
Scripture. But maybe not what some
people expected. We didn’t look at 6 or
7 verses that seem to deal with same-sex sexual behavior. Rather, we spent time considering the
complexity and variety of ways that we have learned to approach and interpret
Scripture. We considered the reality
that no one is a perfect interpreter of Scripture and were again called to a
posture of humility.
The community groups were then invited to reflect together
on their journey with Scripture – what has influenced them, what questions they
wrestle with, what fears and anxieties they bring to the text. This was a real opportunity to listen, to
encounter difference, and to resist the urge to correct or convince one another
to see things the way we do.
In the afternoon we had time for what we loosely called
affinity groups. We wanted people to
have the chance to connect with those whose journeys might be similar to
theirs. One was for family members and a
lot of the parents who have gay children joined together for sharing and
prayer. Another was described as “discipleship”
and in our preparations we thought this would be a good connection for those who
were still trying to figure out how they were going to integrate their faith
and their sexuality. One was called a “couples”
group – though we should have simply called it a relationships group. And a final group was called “next steps”. We figured this would be a good group for straight
allies and those who were interested in possibly launching some kind of
connection point in their own region.
What surprised us a bit was that people made unpredictable choices about
which group they would participate in – but that was totally fine. Later there was another community group time.
The evening session brought us back to worship and
silence. This keynote focused on
embodiment. Gay or straight or cisgender
or transgender or queer, many of us who have grown up in the church have been
affected by an unbiblical dualism that pits our mind and spirit against our
physical body. Many of us have been
deeply socialized in our Christian communities to feel anxious and ashamed of
our sexuality. In this keynote, we
wanted to find common ground, in our diversity, in celebrating the good gift of
our bodies and of our sexuality. In an
unplanned response to the nudging of the Holy Spirit, we called up several
people to offer prayer for others. Many
came forward, some with tears, receiving blessing and encouragement to love
their bodies and to be grateful for God’s good gifts to them. Some who had been deeply wounded by years of
self-loathing heard prayerful words of affirmation that they are God’s Beloved
Child.
After this session we had a sharing circle where the whole
group had the opportunity to share what this experience was like for them. This was a beautiful time of connecting
together as a whole group.
Our meal times were shared in the dining room where we ate
family style – close enough together to share stories and laughter. The rain held off, and people had opportunity
to go on the trails in the beautiful surroundings of the retreat center.
The final morning we shared in worship, inviting God to
again center us in his presence as we had done all weekend. We waited in silence. And we had the opportunity to break the bread
and drink the wine (well, ok, grape juice) by serving one another in our
community groups. We closed off our
experience with a final community group session and lunch.
No event is ever perfect – and I would be the first to say
that there are always things to improve on and learn from. But having said that, I can also assert that God
showed up and the experience of many of the participants was beyond our
imagination and expectation. Personally,
I was struggling physically with the pain and fatigue of fibromyalgia. It had not been a good week. And yet, with every hug, every conversation,
every bit of shared laughter, every tear shed, every honest word, vulnerable
sharing, and authentic owning of each person’s own space …. There was wonder
and joy at the incredible experience of being the Body of Christ together. Messy, diverse, challenging – but gentle and
sensitive to one another, kindness and compassion flowing. I am so very grateful!
These are some of the comments that were shared about the
conference retreat – and we hope to have a future blog with more personal
reflections:
“The interactions and stories I heard blessed me more
than anything. I thought I would meet a few people to interact, but the
community groups broke and healed my heart.”
“The highlight for me was meeting people with same
sexual orientation, connecting with others, stressing that we are beautiful
people, and being in a non-labeling environment.”
“The loving community fellowship that permeated the
entire weekend was incredibly healing and empowered me with a real sense of
purpose going forward in my life.”
“This weekend has given me a glimpse of what the church
can be at its best.”
“The highlight was being able to connect, make
friendships and rediscover my place in the family and kingdom of God.
Also, rediscovering my self-worth and value in Christ.”
“Blessing came from hearing everyone’s stories. We
truly are not alone.”
“I was feeling very down, overwhelmed with life and the
weekend has encouraged me and reminded me of the abundance of God’s grace.”
“I came with very little expectations as to what the
Lord would do to me or through me. I’ve experienced authenticity in
sharing with people and grace, encouragement and empowerment from the Holy
Spirit.”
“The healing release of emotion and prayer as I owned
the hatred I feel for my body, confessed it as sin, and then released it at the
foot of the cross.”
“Worshipping and sharing Communion with my community
group.”
“My highlight was feeling the presence and love of God
and breaking down barriers.”
“I have been surprised and amazed that generous
spaciousness is being provided far more by the LGBTQ group than by the
church. Duh.”
“Being in a place where I am not the minority”
“What an incredible outpouring of love and compassion.”
“Connected with people in a way I did not expect.
I was able to speak openly and honestly.”
Since this was such an amazing experience, we plan on following
up in a couple of ways. We hope to hold
another conference retreat next spring.
The content will be fresh and new but the rhythm of worship, silence,
and dialogue will remain.
But we also are in the planning stages of using the
content from this experience to host a conference in September. It will not be in retreat format – it will
simply be a Friday night and then all day Saturday conference. But we will cover the same material in the
rhythm of worship, silence, and dialogue.
And we are quietly expectant that God will again to immeasurably more
than we can ask or imagine. If you are
interested in participating in either of these opportunities, feel free to let
us know: info@newdirection.ca
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